will i am's delayed diary

first, lidocaine Swiped from subvert.com . This is my third post regarding my foray into the world of sourcing for "intimate products". The next item on my list was Durex Play Heat Lubricant . I got that easy enough from the neighbourhood pharmacies, but the thing that eluded me was Durex Performa . Don't see it on any shelves here. Perhaps in Singapore? Derek can you answer this, hmm? The last item to be procured was any numbing agent. I swiftly walked into I Need House , MV, and with the most business-like manner I could muster addressed the salesgirl to point me to their lubricants section. She was smiling at that time. I then continued to tell her that I need something with a numbing agent. The smile left, replaced by a strange frown. "Ermmm, we don't sell that. Only flavour or no flavour." And what a wide array of flavours they have. Pear to Strawberry. Move over NZ Natural. SK tried her luck at the branch in SUnway Pyramid. She had better lu...

newayxmas2 Swiped from williamnyk . A very busy Christmas this year, work notwithstanding. 4 days off and I'm already finding it hard to find my footing again. Anyway, the season was kicked off with an office celebration. Both of my bosses chipped in some $200 per person for us to spend a very Neway Christmas at One Utama. Roll your eyes, roll your eyes. 20 of us in a giant KTV room with 1 big screen TV, 2 flat panels and 6 mics. A buffet dinner. Everyone wore red. Everyone brought gifts. Much horsing about, especially during the random gift-giving part of the night. Before the recipient could receive his/her gift, the giver will dish out some kind of request. Here's a few fun examples: 1) Down sushi with copious amounts of wasabi 2) Down a big slice of lemon 3) Girl on girl action (just a kiss!) 4) Down a raw oyster (no biggie, except that it's not very fresh! hanyir giler! ) 5) Sing a song 6) Stuff mouth with as many prawn crackers as possible Started at 6pm, en...

While I was washing my hands at the men's room sink the other day, a woman rushed in. I stared at her and she popped the million dollar question: <em>"Is this the men's toilet?"</em> To which I replied: <em>"Good question."</em> She exited with a red face. I guess the truth is too blindingly obvious to some people. Guys. Urinals. What more do you want?

Tung Swiped from williamnyk . With a blow of birthday candles, you age a year. You can also achieve that same effect by eating glutionous rice balls during the Tung Festival (Winter Solstice). It's supposedly a more important celebration than Chinese New Year. But it doesn't seem that way. We'll have to wait for the day it gets commercialized. When I was a little boy, I remember helping mum to roll the little balls. Some years, I would try to introduce some strange variations, but the round ones always come out tops. The next day, mum would boil the glutionous rice balls and it would be served with a sweet gula melaka gravy or a savoury chicken-prawn clear soup. I love the latter. I would eat the number of rice balls corresponding to my new age + 1. This year, my mum did not prepare my favourite version, but she did outdo herself with the reunion dinner. It was a salivating dinner of lotus rout soup, sweet and sour crab, fried pomfret, stir-fried choy sam fah , r...

Shop till you drop! Swiped from Tin Green . Yes, it's the Year End Sale again and it sure beats the crappy National Day Sales last August. Haven't had the chance to do some real heavy duty shopping ( just an odd hour here and there ) and I've already bought 2 work shirts from G2000, the house of "affordable", "tailored" business wear. Love their colours. Got one in Lavender (light purple) and Grenadine (orangey-pink). I think. Also bought a casual short-sleeved shirt from Chiemsee ( some unknown surfer brand to me ). Red and orange checked, either very Cristmas-sy or very CNY-eee or as Niel would say, perhaps Chinko-eee. I'm still looking for a pair of casual shoes. Saw a decent pair in Primavera, but I'll take Niel's advice and check out Zara first, if the price is right (but I doubt it). Bought some undies for fun. I notice I do that a lot recently. Anyhoo, my first trip was to MV and that proved to be a simple affair. Found a par...

Social Dancing Swiped from benswing . Social Dance Meeting up with old friends. A friend contacted me out of the blue to arrange a little get together. She went missing for a couple of years, didn't keep contact and suddenly wanted to meet up. Let's say it altogether now..... INSURANCE MLM Anyway, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and even roped in a few others from my old clique. A record 6 persons OK-ed the time and venue. Such a logistic miracle. However, one friend said she couldn't make it. I was gonna be a bastard and suggested we dump her. What's one person in the big picture?! So difficult to get people together and they blew it all... The rescheduled date was a failure. Everyone couldn't make it. Mel put it best, don't bother. Meeting up with new friends. Some possibilites to really meet strangers. Digitized personas and real life are two very different things. Oh well... The semblance of a decent social life is eluding me yet again.

3JC Swiped from williamnyk . Warning: Non- halal post ahead. Have you ever paid for a MYR3.50 nett, steaming bowl of pork ball noodles? Have you ever paid for a MYR7.90++, steaming bowl of pork ball noodles? If you answered "no" to the former, just go to any coffee shop or food court and you're likely to find one. They're mostly average-tasting, but I have had bad ones. However, if you answered "no" to the latter, you can give it a try at 3JC . Currently peddling premium pork balls to folks at Aeon Taman Equine, Sunway Pyramid and Plaza Low Yatt. For those of you who answered "yes" to the latter, tell me how it tastes like, will ya? Yes, folks, I'm doing a food post of an outlet I've not set foot in before. According to the banner out front, one bowl of 3JC pork ball noodles contains all of the 4 main elements-- noodles (duh!), pork balls ( Sam Gan Chong , the rectanglish type that comes in wafers. 3JC is a play of this name, I th...

OMG_Girls Swiped from williamnyk . Overheard in Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf , OUG ( OK, I was on eavesdropping 4 Ms. Mat Salleh Celup @ 4 Heavenly Bitches, the bloody WIFI was down, so it was do some crap programming, or listen to their inane conversation ): OH MY GAWD! I LOVE BOOTS! WHERE CAN I GET GOOD BOOTS! I DON'T LIKE COACH. BUT I LOVE THE BOOTS! ENERGIE IS A BIT HOE. A BIT HOE. THEIR TOPS ARE HOE. LIKE I'M A HOE, YOU KNOW. I'M A ZARA PERSON. FOREVER 21 IS SUPER! IT'S SUPER. I THINK WAREHOUSE IS GOOD. GOOD BASICS. LOOK AT THIS! 100 PEOPLE DIED WHEN A BOAT COLLIDED! WHO CARES?! IN CANADA. WHO CARES?! YOU GOT TO KNOW WHERE TO LOOK FOR CUTE BOYS! I USED PLAY 'TOUCH' WITH BOYS. REAL CUTE! REAL GOOD-LOOKING. DON'T YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE! YOU'RE SO SHALLOW. I'M DISAPPOINTED. CAN'T I THINK ABOUT BOYS IN ANOTHER COUNTRY?! I MEAN THE BOYS HERE... UGH. WHAT'S HER NAME? CHERYL?! OH MY GAWD! SHE'S A COW! SHE'S A COW! I CAN'...

vibra1 Swiped from williamnyk . If you guys remember, I recently bought the Durex Play Vibrating Condom for SK's "official company business". They have finished playing with it, so I got to take a look. I was quite shocked to discover that her people at R&D initially thought that the vibrating condom worked on some sort of chemical reaction. A really scary thought-- a condom that is lubricated with spasm-inducing chemicals. However, Occam's Razor dictates that the simplest explanation is always correct, so the more logical gimmick behind the vibrating condom is of mechanical means. When you open up the box, you get 1 condom and 1 vibrating ring. There's nothing special about the condom. Standard stuff. The vibrating ring is the fun bit. It's basically a cylindrical motor attached to a flexible and stretchable latex ring. From the looks of it, you slide the ring right up to the base of your erect member and flip the switch for instant pleasure. In...

Blood pressure waiting. Swiped from Half Chinese . Recently, my Project Manager was diagnosed with hypertension. He's just 30 years old. I guess 6 projects and 20kg of excess adipose tissue under your belt can do that to a person. Why do I not sound sympathetic? PS: He even bought a blood pressure scanner. Gave us comlimentary screenings in the office.

TTDIFireAgain Swiped from williamnyk . Note: No, it's not about "The Apprentice". Donald Trump creeps me out. A whole lotta guys cramming at the windows. No, it's no Rose Chan peepshow, but a fire. Yes, folks, a fire broke out at one of the upstairs shoplots along Jalan Datuk Sulaiman, TTDI . Holding fast to the principles of suaku-ness and ke-kepoh-chi-an , my colleagues and I were jostling for a better view from our 13th floor vantage point. The fire was quite big and the flames took off the roof in no time. From where we were, we could see a lone fireman fighting the fire. He was spraying water on the front of the shop, whereas the fire raged at the back. And it really seemed futile. Some time later, another fire engine came to the scene, but there seemed to be no urgency. We did not see any extra hoses being employed. In case you don't know, the TTDI Fire Brigade is located just 2 minutes from the scene of the fire. If the fire broke out elsewhere, ba...

DSC00098 Swiped from MonsterMonster.co.uk . While having tea with some colleagues, we received a call from a colleague that she couldn't start her car. According to her, there was no sound when she turned the ignition. We immediately came to the conclusion that her battery was dead. Finishing our drinks, we rushed over to the parking lot, and another colleague went to drive his car over and get his jumper cables. Upon arrival, we connected the jumper cables and asked her to start her car... "Errr, I had my gear in reverse..." Being a manual person, I know nuts about automatic transmission, but I did learn something that day. Automatic cars won't start if the gear is not in P or D. Never in our wildest dreams would we have expected the problem to be that. She had a great tongue-lashing from us. "Eh, how come my Windows can't start one... oh... never turn on the power yet..." Nak kena tempeleng...

HealthFairMap Swiped from williamnyk . My mother has 2 younger brothers and both of them are practical opposites. Uncle A is married and stays in Teluk Intan where he has a good bread and kuih-muih business going. Uncle B however, is quite a character. Truth be told, I've not seen him in more than a decade. He's quite an introvert and a man of few words. Very opiniated, but non-confrontational, so usually decides not to stick around. He's been wandering around for ages, nobody really knows where he is. Sometimes he just turns up, and leaves a couple of days later. He never likes to intrude, to impose. Trough a miracle of some sort, my mother actually managed to contact him. So, we set up a meeting with him as he was coming down to KL to have a look at the 3rd International Health Fair at PWTC. On entering the venue, I was handed a brochure for feminine hygiene wash... It's weird, I don't remember coming in drag or wearing my "I have a vagina" T...

Sebalik Malam is TV3's latest show that touches on "taboo subjects and sexual deviancy", e.g. "lesbianism, obsession, voyeurism and sadism". During the introduction, the host Ahmad Fedtri mentioned that the show wasn't about ghosts and the supernatural, but his hand gestures, his slow speech ( ala Misteri Nusantara ) and the spooky music and heartbeat sounds in the background didn't tally with what he was saying. The first episode highlighted Derita Nafsu (loosely-translated to Suffering from Lust). Among the sub-topics were underwear thievery and transexuality. The part on underwear thieves was very weak. Didn't reveal much about the motivation behind, but perhaps there's not much objectivity behind human lust. Some lame answers I got from the host: 1) To sell for money ( on eBay, perhaps? ) 2) As an acne cure ( Oxy can close shop ) 3) Black magic ( Who knows? ) During the second part of the show, they featured a telephone conversation with a ...

After Swiped from williamnyk . Hair Again It's been nearly 9 weeks since my last haircut and I caved in on Sunday. Getting really thick and my hair is constantly in my eyes. I find that I have resorted to tossing my hair a bit. Heh. Roughly 1.5" of hair growth as I can see plenty of black at my roots already. My stylist complained why I was MIA. Trimmed off all the excess Felt instantly lighther, but I lost all my colour on the sides of my head. Anyway, at lunch the other day, I saw one of the stylists from Peek-a-Boo , TTDI. The fella's hair really caught my eye. Pure manga. Had one eye completely curtained by his hair. I can't imagine walking around with a monoscopic view ( can always get an eye-patch to simulate, hor? ). Wonder what he does with his other eye beneath all that hair. It's gotta be bad for eyesight. But then, I still think it's cool! Sugei.... PS: Forgive the narcissistic pics. Some before and after.

Peiling1 Swiped from williamnyk . Recently, my mother's friend gave birth to a baby boy. His poor mother was SO relieved to evict the little tyke as she was practically bloating up like the Michelin Tyre Man during her pregnancy. The kid that caused his mother to endure nearly 8 months of blimp-iness and water retention was really quite something-- he weighed in a nearly 9lbs and 20in ( NOT THERE, you pervs! ). Before I actually saw the baby in person, I saw the his picture on his dad's phone. My first impression: Turnip Head . Goodness, the size of the kid'ss head! And it was topped off with a pointy hairstyle (a good head of hair on that one), though his father would argue that it was Beckham style. :P. Well, mother and son was staying at Pei Ling Confinement Home somewhere near SS4, PJ. Just fork out around 6k a month and the post-partum mothers can rest all they want. They'll take care of the baby ( bye-bye to late night feeds every 3 hours and nappy chan...