Friday, December 29, 2006

Numb

This is my third post regarding my foray into the world of sourcing for "intimate products". The next item on my list was Durex Play Heat Lubricant. I got that easy enough from the neighbourhood pharmacies, but the thing that eluded me was Durex Performa. Don't see it on any shelves here. Perhaps in Singapore? Derek can you answer this, hmm? The last item to be procured was any numbing agent. I swiftly walked into I Need House, MV, and with the most business-like manner I could muster addressed the salesgirl to point me to their lubricants section. She was smiling at that time. I then continued to tell her that I need something with a numbing agent. The smile left, replaced by a strange frown.

"Ermmm, we don't sell that. Only flavour or no flavour." And what a wide array of flavours they have. Pear to Strawberry. Move over NZ Natural.

SK tried her luck at the branch in SUnway Pyramid. She had better luck, but they whipped out a suspicious looking bottle (macam minyak angin) emblazoned with the title Magic Indian Oil. No ingredients. No MAL number. Siapa berani sapu kat SANA!?. The acompanying insert only had spurious claims of "driving your sex partner to wild shouts of ecstacy" and even provided some positions for you to try. Pengz. Mission failed. She's still looking for some strange body-temperature melting cream (!?) which I'm NOT gonna ask around for... Aiyoyo...

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Hark!


newayxmas2
Swiped from williamnyk.
A very busy Christmas this year, work notwithstanding. 4 days off and I'm already finding it hard to find my footing again. Anyway, the season was kicked off with an office celebration. Both of my bosses chipped in some $200 per person for us to spend a very Neway Christmas at One Utama. Roll your eyes, roll your eyes. 20 of us in a giant KTV room with 1 big screen TV, 2 flat panels and 6 mics. A buffet dinner. Everyone wore red. Everyone brought gifts. Much horsing about, especially during the random gift-giving part of the night. Before the recipient could receive his/her gift, the giver will dish out some kind of request. Here's a few fun examples:

1) Down sushi with copious amounts of wasabi
2) Down a big slice of lemon
3) Girl on girl action (just a kiss!)
4) Down a raw oyster (no biggie, except that it's not very fresh! hanyir giler!)
5) Sing a song
6) Stuff mouth with as many prawn crackers as possible

Started at 6pm, ended at 2pm. All a bit zombified the next day.

Other than that, I also spent 2 days gallavanting around the Old Klang Road area, carolling to raise some funds. Was kinda hoarse after the first day, but it was oodles of fun. At one house we went to, just so happened that the neighbours were having a Taoist funeral and we were all in red! Macam nak cari pasal, you know. We just bowed our heads and quickly headed in. The last house, we did for free. Some kids were having a BBQ, so we just sang a few
songs to mark the end of our carolling.

Christmas eve was spent visiting my cousin and niece at Calvary Church's annual Christmas concert. This year's title is "The Perfect Gift". I came very early, so enjoyed the free fellowship breakfast and caught some of the rehearsal. The set has been pared down this year, but the paper's report it as a no less stunning affair. At night, enjoyed the cantata at St. Ignatius Church. On Christmas day itself, I was invited to an open house of SK's colleague (tebal muka I, kan?). A Portugese experience. Great food-- chapati, pork vinderloo, mutton curry, raita and mixed vegetables. Had a helluva
Christmas cake too... Had brandy in it... emmmm. All sorts of liquor served during high noon-- beer, red wine, whisky and brandy.

A "friend" of mine invited me to his house for a New Year's eve BBQ. But seeing that he FFK me twice in a week by giving some lame excuse, I have decided not to trust the idiot anymore. Can't believe a single thing that comes out of his mouth it seems. Starting out, I took everything he said with a grain of salt, moving on, I think I don't wanna risk hypertension.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and good New Year to come.

newayxmas1

calvary06

siccantata

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Good Question

While I was washing my hands at the men's room sink the other day, a
woman rushed in. I stared at her and she popped the million dollar
question:

<em>"Is this the men's toilet?"</em>

To which I replied:

<em>"Good question."</em>

She exited with a red face. I guess the truth is too blindingly
obvious to some people. Guys. Urinals. What more do you want?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Winter Solstice


Tung
Swiped from williamnyk.
With a blow of birthday candles, you age a year. You can also achieve that same effect by eating glutionous rice balls during the Tung Festival (Winter Solstice). It's supposedly a more important celebration than Chinese New Year. But it doesn't seem that way. We'll have to wait for the day it gets commercialized. When I was a little boy, I remember helping mum to roll the little balls. Some years, I would try to introduce some strange variations, but the round ones always come out tops. The next day, mum would boil the glutionous rice balls and it would be served with a sweet gula melaka gravy or a savoury chicken-prawn clear soup. I love the latter. I would eat the number of rice balls corresponding to my new age + 1. This year, my mum did not prepare my favourite version, but she did outdo herself with the reunion dinner. It was a salivating dinner of lotus rout soup, sweet and sour crab, fried pomfret, stir-fried choy sam fah, roasted duck, herbal chicken and tomyam fish! We whacked everything in one sitting! Imagine that...

I only ate 7 glutionous rice balls this year. Will it stop the hands of time for me?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Y.E.S.

Yes, it's the Year End Sale
again and it sure beats the crappy National Day Sales last August. Haven't had the chance to do some real heavy duty shopping (just an odd hour here and there) and I've already bought 2 work shirts from G2000, the house of "affordable", "tailored" business wear. Love their colours. Got one in Lavender (light purple) and Grenadine (orangey-pink). I think. Also bought a casual short-sleeved shirt from Chiemsee (some unknown surfer brand to me). Red and orange checked, either very Cristmas-sy or very CNY-eee or as Niel would say, perhaps Chinko-eee. I'm still looking for a pair of casual shoes. Saw a decent pair in Primavera, but I'll take Niel's advice and check out Zara first, if the price is right (but I doubt it). Bought some undies for fun. I notice I do that a lot recently.

Anyhoo, my first trip was to MV and that proved to be a simple affair. Found a parking space within 1 minute of entering P2. Amazing, isn't it? Christmas deco was all up. Recycling is in aparently. The same leafless trees keep turning up, only with a fresh coat of paint. Oh well. The second trip was to Sunway Pyramid. The jam was from the LDP right to the turn in to the basement parking. Total chaos. The traffic lights were ignored. Must be the infernal combinaton of school holidays, crass consumerism for the yuletide season and the lure of discounts, discounts and more discounts. I was prepared to pay more by parking at the hotels, but those were bloody full too. I ended up opposite the highway, parked in the mosque behind the Caltex station! Trudged across the pedestrian bridge. So desperate. Hmm, what's next? Bukit Bintang or KLCC? But I don't think I have the time. Bah.

PS: Niel's not my personal stylist. :P
PPS: Mel o Mel, remember your so-called 3-hour Xmas shopping excursion to MV only to leave empty-handed? Hehe.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Social Dance


Social Dancing
Swiped from benswing.
Social Dance

Meeting up with old friends.

A friend contacted me out of the blue to arrange a little get together. She went missing for a couple of years, didn't keep contact and suddenly wanted to meet up. Let's say it altogether now.....

INSURANCE

MLM

Anyway, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and even roped in a few others from my old clique. A record 6 persons OK-ed the time and venue. Such a logistic miracle. However, one friend said she couldn't make it. I was gonna be a bastard and suggested we dump her. What's one person in the big picture?! So difficult to get people together and they blew it all... The rescheduled date was a failure. Everyone couldn't make it. Mel put it best, don't bother.

Meeting up with new friends.

Some possibilites to really meet strangers. Digitized personas and real life are two very different things. Oh well...

The semblance of a decent social life is eluding me yet again.

Friday, December 15, 2006

3JC


3JC
Swiped from williamnyk.
Warning: Non-halal post ahead.

Have you ever paid for a MYR3.50 nett, steaming bowl of pork ball noodles?

Have you ever paid for a MYR7.90++, steaming bowl of pork ball noodles?

If you answered "no" to the former, just go to any coffee shop or food court and you're likely to find one. They're mostly average-tasting, but I have had bad ones. However, if you answered "no" to the latter, you can give it a try at 3JC. Currently peddling premium pork balls to folks at Aeon Taman Equine, Sunway Pyramid and Plaza Low Yatt. For those of you who answered "yes" to the latter, tell me how it tastes like, will ya? Yes, folks, I'm doing a food post of an outlet I've not set foot in before. According to the banner out front, one bowl of 3JC pork ball noodles contains all of the 4 main elements-- noodles (duh!), pork balls (Sam Gan Chong, the rectanglish type that comes in wafers. 3JC is a play of this name, I think), pork sausages and minced pork. Yes, lotsa pork. Being the premium pork ball expert that they are, they claim that it takes more than 10 hours to produce one bowl of 3JC pork ball noodles (this calculation obviously ignores mass production strategies, concurreny and pipelining). In 39 meticulous steps (don't ask me whether it includes consulting the stars or some other ritual, as no details were provided, :P), they make the 4 main components out of scratch. The Aeon Taman Equine oulet even has an open kitchen concept ala Bread Story. Luckily, they don't hang up a pig carcass in the kitchen. Don't fret if pork ball noodles is not your cup of tea, they have many varieties-- pork ball noodles (soup), pork ball noodles (dry), curry pork ball noodles, tom yam pork ball noodles, seafood pork ball noodles, pork ball noodles in porridge..... oh wait, you're pretty much screwed. So, if you have a hankering for processed 3 little piggies, go visit 3JC sometime.

PS: My sister told me that the portion is not extra large nor the taste extra good. But we all need to splurge on a over-priced bowl of noodles once in a while, right?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

OMG!


OMG_Girls
Swiped from williamnyk.
Overheard in Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, OUG (OK, I was on eavesdropping 4 Ms. Mat Salleh Celup @ 4 Heavenly Bitches, the bloody WIFI was down, so it was do some crap programming, or listen to their inane conversation):

OH MY GAWD! I LOVE BOOTS! WHERE CAN I GET GOOD BOOTS! I DON'T LIKE COACH. BUT I LOVE THE BOOTS!

ENERGIE IS A BIT HOE. A BIT HOE. THEIR TOPS ARE HOE. LIKE I'M A HOE, YOU KNOW.

I'M A ZARA PERSON. FOREVER 21 IS SUPER! IT'S SUPER.

I THINK WAREHOUSE IS GOOD. GOOD BASICS.

LOOK AT THIS! 100 PEOPLE DIED WHEN A BOAT COLLIDED! WHO CARES?! IN CANADA. WHO CARES?!

YOU GOT TO KNOW WHERE TO LOOK FOR CUTE BOYS! I USED PLAY 'TOUCH' WITH BOYS. REAL CUTE! REAL GOOD-LOOKING.

DON'T YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE! YOU'RE SO SHALLOW. I'M DISAPPOINTED. CAN'T I THINK ABOUT BOYS IN ANOTHER COUNTRY?! I MEAN THE BOYS HERE... UGH.

WHAT'S HER NAME? CHERYL?! OH MY GAWD! SHE'S A COW! SHE'S A COW!

I CAN'T SPEAK CHINESE. LIKE, WHAT IF I GET THE INTONATION WRONG?! I RATHER SPEAK FRENCH.

THE FIRE PANTS! THE CARGO PANTS. LOADS OF POCKETS. HE USED TO WEAR THOSE LIME GREEN T-SHIRTS.
HORIBLE FASHION SENSE. HATED HIM. YAP. YAP. YAP.

TUBE TOPS TWO SIZES TOO SMALL. AND THOSE LOW-RIDERS. AND THE MINIS. XXXS. WHAT IS IT WITH THEM?!


Don't you just love those girls to bits?

CB_XMAS

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Vibra Vibes


vibra1
Swiped from williamnyk.
If you guys remember, I recently bought the Durex Play Vibrating Condom
for SK's "official company business". They have finished playing with it, so I got to take a look. I was quite shocked to discover that her people at R&D initially thought that the vibrating condom worked on some sort of chemical reaction. A really scary thought-- a condom that is lubricated with spasm-inducing chemicals. However, Occam's Razor dictates that the simplest explanation is always correct, so the more logical gimmick behind the vibrating condom is of mechanical means. When you open up the box, you get 1 condom and 1 vibrating ring. There's nothing special about the condom. Standard stuff. The vibrating ring is the fun bit. It's basically a cylindrical motor attached to a flexible and stretchable latex ring. From the looks of it, you slide the ring right up to the base of your erect member and flip the switch for instant pleasure. In my opinion, the vibration is way to strong. The frequencty is quite high as you hear the thing buzzing along. I don't know, but I got a feeling that if I actually put it on, I'll get numb from all the vibrating or develop some sort of allergic reaction. I liken it putting your palms on the back of a chair and then pushing it along the floor. The vibration will make your palms tingly and numb and you'll get an urge to scratch. So not cool. According to the accompanying documentation, the batteries can last for 20 minutes. So if you feel that you're not ready for that full-sized vibrator yet, go give the vibrating condom a try.

PS: Can make certain bunnies hop faster? :P

Monday, December 11, 2006

Celery & Starfruit

Recently, my Project Manager was diagnosed with hypertension. He's just 30 years old. I guess 6 projects and 20kg of excess adipose tissue under your belt can do that to a person. Why do I not sound sympathetic?

PS: He even bought a blood pressure scanner. Gave us comlimentary screenings in the office.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

You're Fired


TTDIFireAgain
Swiped from williamnyk.
Note: No, it's not about "The Apprentice". Donald Trump creeps me out.

A whole lotta guys cramming at the windows. No, it's no Rose Chan peepshow, but a fire. Yes, folks, a fire broke out at one of the upstairs shoplots along Jalan Datuk Sulaiman, TTDI. Holding fast to the principles of suaku-ness and ke-kepoh-chi-an, my colleagues and I were jostling for a better view from our 13th floor vantage point. The fire was quite big and the flames took off the roof in no time. From where we were, we could see a lone fireman fighting the fire. He was spraying water on the front of the shop, whereas the fire raged at the back. And it really seemed futile. Some time later, another fire engine came to the scene, but there seemed to be no urgency. We did not see any extra hoses being employed. In case you don't know, the TTDI Fire Brigade is located just 2 minutes from the scene of the fire. If the fire broke out elsewhere, baik tak payah datanglah. Dekat-dekat, sudah endahtak endah. They didn't seem overly concerned that the fire might spread to the multitude of second-hand furniture shops along that row. Eventually, the fire fire was put out, but the place was a total loss. Due to a miracle of some kind or perhaps the effort of the firemen, the shop downstairs was spared and the fire didn't spread to the neighnouring lots. Have you heard of allegations that some firemen actually will not "start work" unless you bribe them? Have you heard of ambulance drivers who accelerate according to the amount of money you give them? Don't want to believe it, but...

"Har! $50 je. I pandu laju sikit, tapi tak letak siren tau."

-_-"

Friday, December 08, 2006

Reverse Gear

While having tea with some colleagues, we received a call from a colleague that she couldn't start her car. According to her, there was no sound when she turned the ignition. We immediately came to the conclusion that her battery was dead. Finishing our drinks, we rushed over to the parking lot, and another colleague went to drive his car over and get his jumper cables. Upon arrival, we connected the jumper cables and asked her to start her car...

"Errr, I had my gear in reverse..."

Being a manual person, I know nuts about automatic transmission, but I did learn something that day. Automatic cars won't start if the gear is not in P or D. Never in our wildest dreams would we have expected the problem to be that. She had a great tongue-lashing from us.

"Eh, how come my Windows can't start one... oh... never turn on the power yet..."

Nak kena tempeleng...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Wandering Unc


HealthFairMap
Swiped from williamnyk.
My mother has 2 younger brothers and both of them are practical opposites. Uncle A is married and stays in Teluk Intan where he has a good bread and kuih-muih business going. Uncle B however, is quite a character. Truth be told, I've not seen him in more than a decade. He's quite an introvert and a man of few words. Very opiniated, but non-confrontational, so usually decides not to stick around. He's been wandering around for ages, nobody really knows where he is. Sometimes he just turns up, and leaves a couple of days later. He never likes to intrude, to impose. Trough a miracle of some sort, my mother actually managed to contact him. So, we set up a meeting with him as he was coming down to KL to have a look at the 3rd International Health Fair at PWTC.

On entering the venue, I was handed a brochure for feminine hygiene wash... It's weird, I don't remember coming in drag or wearing my "I have a vagina" T-shirt. The place was really crowded. Mostly pseudo-MLM companies peddling quick cures and naturopathic products, ranging from wheatgrass, music-therapy CDs to DIY colon-irrigation machines. Manoeuvering the place was hell, a practical gauntlet where everyone's trying to sell you something or shove some brochures into your hand. After the whole feminine wash fiasco, someone else handed me a brochure for weight-loss, like I have any weight to spare... Had some fun fooling round with some hair-care center girls with a free Japanese scalp massage thrown in while the elders were getting their bone density tests done.

Back to my uncle, it turns out that he's in Tangkak now working at a cooking gas distribution company after an 11-month stint in Bangkok. Also heard firsthand about his religion, something called "The Way of Heaven" (Tian Tao)-- an amalgam of Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, Christianity and Islam. In all his years of living alone, he had cropped up quite some number of health problems. At the fair, he tried out the services of a Chinese bone-setter (Tit-Ta). From the looks of it, they were hardly professional and looked inexperienced. Traditional konon, they copy chiropractic spinal manipulation techniques, but with none of the precise movements I see from certified chiropractors. Seems like they do more harm than good. In the meantime, saw an organic cooking demo. The cook was really lousy. She had to refer to her own cooking book for goodness sake.

Before we left, we attended a Life Yoga class by a Taiwanese instructor. Her version of Yoga is for the improvement of bone density through resistance. The movements are repetitious and really taxing on the muscles. "Pain today is to avoid pain tomorrow".
That's her motto. She kept on singling me out for my lack of endurance and flexibility. The woman compared my flexibility to a 62 year old man. Celaka.

My uncle stayed one night at my place and left the next afternoon. Don't know when I'll see him again, hope he'll get better soon and keep in touch.

HealthFairPpl

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Sebalik Malam

Sebalik Malam is TV3's latest show that touches on "taboo subjects and sexual deviancy", e.g. "lesbianism, obsession, voyeurism and sadism". During the introduction, the host Ahmad Fedtri mentioned that the show wasn't about ghosts and the supernatural, but his hand gestures, his slow speech (ala Misteri Nusantara) and the spooky music and heartbeat sounds in the background didn't tally with what he was saying. The first episode highlighted Derita Nafsu (loosely-translated to Suffering from Lust). Among the sub-topics were underwear thievery and transexuality. The part on underwear thieves was very weak. Didn't reveal much about the motivation behind, but perhaps there's not much objectivity behind human lust. Some lame answers I got from the host:

1) To sell for money (on eBay, perhaps?)
2) As an acne cure (Oxy can close shop)
3) Black magic (Who knows?)

During the second part of the show, they featured a telephone conversation with a man who is in the midst of reversing his Mak Nyah status after the death of his boyfriend from AIDS. Azura Karim the 2nd host seemed flabbergasted but concerned at the same time. The last part of the show was about people who like to scribble lewd grafitti.

"Want to have fun? Contact XXX-XXXXXXX"

I don't know about psychological problems, but I think most of these grafitti is done by kids trying to pull a prank on their friends. I've also seen some grafitti that are pretty graphic in LRT station toilets. Comparable to Kama Sutra reliefs. Art at its best. The third host, Teh Syuhada even sang!?!?! Not up to expectations. It should be a 0.5hour show. Don't waste your time, sleep earlier. And why the hell do they need that many host?!

Remember, the early bird catches the thong on the clothesline.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Hair Again


After
Swiped from williamnyk.
Hair Again

It's been nearly 9 weeks since my last haircut and I caved in on Sunday. Getting really thick and my hair is constantly in my eyes. I find that I have resorted to tossing my hair a bit. Heh. Roughly 1.5" of hair growth as I can see plenty of black at my roots already. My stylist complained why I was MIA. Trimmed off all the excess Felt instantly lighther, but I lost all my colour on the sides of my head. Anyway, at lunch the other day, I saw one of the stylists from Peek-a-Boo, TTDI. The fella's hair really caught my eye. Pure manga. Had one eye completely curtained by his hair. I can't imagine walking around with a monoscopic view (can always get an eye-patch to simulate, hor?). Wonder what he does with his other eye beneath all that hair. It's gotta be bad for eyesight. But then, I still think it's cool! Sugei....

PS: Forgive the narcissistic pics. Some before and after.

9 weeks worth of hair 1

Friday, December 01, 2006

TMI


Peiling1
Swiped from williamnyk.
Recently, my mother's friend gave birth to a baby boy. His poor mother was SO relieved to evict the little tyke as she was practically bloating up like the Michelin Tyre Man during her pregnancy. The kid that caused his mother to endure nearly 8 months of blimp-iness and water retention was really quite something-- he weighed in a nearly 9lbs and 20in (NOT THERE, you pervs!). Before I actually saw the baby in person, I saw the his picture on his dad's phone. My first impression: Turnip Head. Goodness, the size of the kid'ss head! And it was topped off with a pointy hairstyle (a good head of hair on that one), though his father would argue that it was Beckham style. :P. Well, mother and son was staying at Pei Ling Confinement Home somewhere near SS4, PJ.

Just fork out around 6k a month and the post-partum mothers can rest all they want. They'll take care of the baby (bye-bye to late night feeds every 3 hours and nappy changes); You'll get a nice room; They'll give you 3 square meals a day; Misc. herbal soups and other preparations that conform to standard old wives' tales; Massages; Ikat perut. After seeing the baby, my mother and I went up to have a chat with the mother. The place really did her well. She told us that she's actually healthier than before (must be all the rich food and bed rest). As expected, the conversation definitely veered to the delivery experience. ALL THE DETAILS!! I just sat there quitely, gritted my teeth and smiled politely. As I said, the kids head was big and as expected, the mother ended up koyak-rabak, as in the words of Marianne. Something about tearing and incisions all the way to the anus. Yikes! Ouch! Too much information! From what I heard, the mother was obviously happy with her new role and was very fascinated with motherhood. She was so proud and delighted to mention that her son would "shoot his little pistol" everytime she removes his nappy. Perhaps my babysitting days 7 years ago made me think, "Apa heran, all baby boys like that one lar". Wait till the "little fireman spits in your eye". Amateurs! Hah.

Peiling2