Daddy
As I was going through my flickr contacts' photos just now, I came across this photo...
It suddenly jolted my memory back to a dozen years ago. To the ICU where my dad sighed his last breath and left for God's pastures. I was 17 and I can still remember kneeling at the side of the bed, holding on to his lifeless hand. I did not know how to react. My eyes were dry. Did I not love my father? Was I heartless. My mother had lost it. They dragged her out. My mother hugged me and said,
"Your father is gone. What are we to do?!"
She sobbed and sobbed. And then, realization suddenly struck me. My heart broke. My tears came in torrents. The lost finally manifested itself. The mourning began. Today, we have all moved on. Every year we visit his grave during All Souls' Day or Chinese New Year. And whenever I'm in the hall, he looks down at me from the black and white photograph of him... but I know that he is really down at us everyday from Heaven.
For my father... ....who left us the evening of 1 Dec 2009.
That evening I saw the fattest glowing moon hanging over the Fez Medina. Ignorant, I basked in the glory of the moonlight which cast a long shadow behind me. Amidst us, the muezzins' calls for prayer rallied from the hills, culminating in the belly of the Medina.
Then death's silence broke; it felt like a million needles were piercing through my childhood, suffocating my hopes and choking my present.
It suddenly jolted my memory back to a dozen years ago. To the ICU where my dad sighed his last breath and left for God's pastures. I was 17 and I can still remember kneeling at the side of the bed, holding on to his lifeless hand. I did not know how to react. My eyes were dry. Did I not love my father? Was I heartless. My mother had lost it. They dragged her out. My mother hugged me and said,
"Your father is gone. What are we to do?!"
She sobbed and sobbed. And then, realization suddenly struck me. My heart broke. My tears came in torrents. The lost finally manifested itself. The mourning began. Today, we have all moved on. Every year we visit his grave during All Souls' Day or Chinese New Year. And whenever I'm in the hall, he looks down at me from the black and white photograph of him... but I know that he is really down at us everyday from Heaven.
Comments
Take comfort in that our Dads' (I lost him in 2003) presence will alwiz be felt, coz the bonds were too strong, and their love for us were too great.
+Ant+
But from time to time, I hear news of him from my relatives. I somehow wanna know how he is doing. But I don't want to meet him. I just don't know what to tell him.
Ppl always say that I look like my dad. I feel sad that I looked like him. He disgusts me with what he does. I even wished to change my surname so that ppl would stop relating me to my dad.
Fathers' Day has no meaning to me for this past 21 years.
my dad is still around, and I guess i should treasure every moment i ever have with him, hmm?
*hugs*
you've moved on, and that's something to be proud of. we all grow, eventually. :')
Bravebear, I wish you could hear Michi's tales to ease your aches.
That reminds me of the first death anniversary of my 3rd step-grandmother. The pastor said that he remembered me a year ago, crying every minute during the 5-day wake. And a year later, I was cheery and even cracked a few jokes during the service. He said that it was a good thing because I've finally accepted that she was now in a better place. And I believe that's true.
I await the day our souls reunite again at heaven's gate. It's only a matter of time...
A smile from SJ =)
Yes, he will always be with us.
@BBear:
I hope you'll find peace in this issue in the future. *Hugs*
@LittleD:
That hole has been patched. It hard not completely taking someone for granted at times. But as long as we snap out of it.
@CCat:
Spend more time with him. :)
@Orange:
I'm sure he is.
@Ichi:
*hugs*
@TZone:
I'm sure you slept, or Anton would have complained of a late night call. :P
Amen!
@Jason:
Why shiver? :). There is no right or wrong to dealing with loss.... *hugs*
@SJ:
I am. Thanks!
@L2:
I will continue to strive. Thanks.